I was put in a situation this weekend that brought my past back to the surface.
I was that kid…you know that weird kid that had their mom dress them for school, not the cool clothes but the 5 pairs of pants of different colors. That had the awful gawky glasses of the 80’s. That later at one point tried to be creative by tying a blue sash from a homemade dress around her ponytail for a retro 50’s look.
But instead of being cool and innovative, I was ignored and people just saw me as weird. There was also an 8 month period when my mom separated from my dad when it got terribly difficult for me.
The two friends I did have decided I was unworthy of their friendship and my friends near home decided I was not worth hanging with, and I started getting harrassed daily on the bus.
Every day began a fresh day of hell. The primary years were ones of turmoil and pain. It only got better in high school when I finally found my people. You know the ones that make your life worth going to school for. The ones who are happy to see you every day. The people who need to see you like you need to see them.
I am always thankful I found them. But it is not my subject of today. There was a gathering this weekend of people that I once gone to school with, primary school and high school, for let’s face it, even if the school changes and gets bigger, they follow you to high school (just lose most of them in a lot more crowds). It was a town gathering for a local business that happens every year, but this year it happened at our local high school.
One girl who had been mostly impartial and never been part of the “mean team” let me know of the meet up and wanted to know if I would go.
I was going to make up some excuse about not going, but instead told her the truth. That going somewhere to see a bunch of people who had taunted me as a kid did not exactly make me all rosy and happy but mostly anxious.
I have become so much stronger in my life and would never put up with such bullshit now. I’d punch someone out rather than allow them to ever make me feel as I did back then. And although my experiences made me stronger (so much stronger), I have no need to reconnect with any of these people or even be in the same room to be ignored by them at this point in my life.
I am finally moving forward in my life in the direction I want. Why would I ever look back to see if any of these people finally accepted me? If they have not found me up until now to apologize or be nice, I do not feel the need for them to find me…ever.
Just being honest here.
So I had a nice weekend with family instead. Stayed around the people who love me, the people I’ve never had to convince of my true value. And that felt nice as it always has.
Where you the popular kid…the one who taunted…or watch it happen…or even worse…like me the taunted one!
I’m curious…Let me know in the comments. How would you rate your school experience?