Recently something happened to me from my past that made me really look at why once again I felt like I had been served the short end of the stick and realized that everything is your own perception of things, but the actions that brought me there were certainly not my own. More like a refusal to put up with constantly being made to feel bad about myself because of someone else’s treatment of me.
I see everyday people and memes saying that you should accept people for who they are. And in a perfect world, those people would feel your love and acceptance and then we could all skip into the sunset in a perfect world. Yah…no. You know that ain’t gonna happen…right?
The thing is, you can change the way you deal with people, but it doesn’t mean those people are going to miraculously change.
Ignorant people will take it as they got away with whatever they did which in turn gives them a pass to act badly again, since you obviously took it and forgave them or at least that is what it looked like to them. Which makes who the “sucker”?
And talking about ignorant people, I realized over the weekend that I have 3 “I’s” that are the words that best describe whether or not you and I can remain friends.
Those words are Inconsiderate, Ignoring and Incompetent. (I could add Idiot to that but I figure it can be added to all three in most cases).
Here are the definitions for these words:
Inconsiderate: thoughtlessly causing hurt or inconvenience to others.
thoughtless, unthinking, insensitive, selfish, self-centered, unsympathetic, uncaring, heedless, unmindful, unkind, uncharitable, ungracious, impolite, discourteous, rude, disrespectful; tactless, undiplomatic, indiscreet, indelicate
Ignore: refuse to take notice of or acknowledge; disregard intentionally.
disregard, take no notice of, pay no attention to, pay no heed to;
turn a blind eye to, turn a deaf ear to, tune out
snub, slight, spurn, shun, disdain, look right through, pass over, look past;
informal give someone the brush-off, give someone the cold shoulder
set aside, pay no attention to, take no account of;
break, contravene, fail to comply with, fail to observe, disregard, disobey, breach, defy, flout;
Incompetent: not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully.
inept, unskillful, unskilled, inexpert, amateurish, unprofessional, bungling, blundering, clumsy, inadequate, substandard, inferior, ineffective, deficient, inefficient, ineffectual, wanting, lacking, leaving much to be desired;
incapable, unfit, unqualified;
informal useless, pathetic, ham-fisted, not up to it, not up to scratch, bush-league.
People abundant in these three words are people I absolutely have learned to avoid at all cost.
Some were long friendships that I disintegrated simply because I could not take the lack of inconsideration.
The first one “inconsiderate” has affected me and I’m sure so many in a world of “me, me, me first”. And if you let them know that they have been “inconsiderate”, the reaction is usually the second word which is to “ignore” the problem or the fact that they did something wrong as if that will make it disappear.
I take it upon myself to remind them that someone has not forgotten their inconsiderate actions to make them deal with it, but that usually ends with the end of the friendship.
It usually does not matter because most people are incapable of giving a sincere apology without putting the word “but” after it to delegate the blame to another or circumstance instead of owning up to the fact that they screwed up. As humans we make mistakes and do dumb stuff, the trick is to admit and apologize and learn from it.
The second word “ignore” also should be included in inconsideration. To ignore how you inconvenience others is inconsiderate. And people do that a lot. They do or say something and then conveniently act as if nothing happened. Ignoring the hurt they cause, acting as if the status quo still exist. I’m here to tell you that it does not. Ignoring people’s hurts, voice or needs only gets you ignored in turn or worse destroys relationships to the point of no return.
The third one is one that gets me going especially in the work world, as in the people who cause work for others because of their total ineptitude and incompetence. They cause extra work for others constantly and don’t care of the mayhem they leave behind them. They ignore their bad work and are total inconsiderate idiots. (Why don’t you tell me how you really feel Jane?) Usually I find as well because of their incompetence, they usually question everyone else’s work (probably to get the focus off of them) causing even more work and explanations where none are needed from people who are actually 100% better at their jobs than these people.
All these people I avoid at all cost, but it’s the first time I actually made a list of the words associated to these people and wanted to re iterate why I avoid them. But let’s face it. Sometimes you can’t avoid them. There are so many around. And with the world of social media, they lend their voices to some pretty gullible minds.
It’s quite scary sometimes. Especially when the incompetent ones lend their voices to a public so easily swayed by ridiculous crap.
So you have to carefully pick the quality people in your life. Pick wisely and the true way to know if you have done the right choices is if you feel genuinely good around that person. If you do, then you have a winner. Trust me, if you haven’t picked wisely, you will know by the yucky way that person makes you feel every time they do something or open their mouths.
You can try to salvage it but at one point. It’s okay to wish them well and walk away to follow your own path in life.