A Decade To Freedom · Finding Happy · My Life · Uncategorized

How Do You Find the Light? (Post 355)

In case you have been paying attention, I am short 10 posts to have been blogging a full 365 days. Since I only blog 5 days a week, I have had my blog for more than a year though!

It’s a personal bet with Mark Twain that I have going to be discussed at a later time.

I was sitting having my coffee with no a care or a pain today! (Thank God Finally)

I started to contemplate a few things as I usually do when left to my own meandering thoughts. The pivotal moments that have shaped me into the person I am, and why it took me so long to let the light shine on me.

It wasn’t hard to find the reason why I went into hiding having been a child who suffered abuse from a much older man (friend of my mothers). It made me find a very invisible spot without wanting to bring too much attention to myself for a very long time. I only allowed very few in my circle of friends.

However, all through this time, there was someone in there so desperately wanting to have the limelight and be seen. I can honestly say that sometimes every pore in my body wanted to scream to everyone, please just see me. The forced introvert always constantly fighting with the scared extrovert.

Now I am so much older and have found my voice, lost a lot of my fears, and just want to be happy regardless of my journey or whether I am speaking to one or hundreds of people in a single sitting.

But how did I find the light? Unfortunately there is no one occurrence that brought this on. It was many. One that pushed into another and many years could go by before another big occurrence happened to push me further.

Here are a few that did it for me.

  1. Losing a child and realizing that I had put all my dreams into her before she was even born to fulfill and be seen like I never had been in my own life. After I lost her, I was devastated not only for losing her but for all my ideas of what I saw her accomplishing. To become a strong, vocal woman making all her dreams come true without fear from past scars (because I would protect her from such things of course). I realized that I was acting as though my chance and life was over at 26. I started to try to put my goals and dreams in a list and vowed I would try to accomplish them instead of giving up on myself as I was so willing to do.
  2. After my younger son was born, I sat and wrote my first novel. It took me about 2 months and I was super passionate about it. I was so proud of my accomplishment, although I sent it to maybe a dozen publishers and then put it on a shelf and forgot about it for almost 15 years. I finally did self-publish it 2 years ago today. I am still very proud of this book even if it is almost 20 years old in reality.
  3. I met one of my favorite Star Trek characters “Data” Brent Spiner 6 years ago at a Convention. I never thought I would actually meet never mind have a conversation or shake hands with the man. I was completely blown away by the experience, but when I went to the next one the year after and met more actors, I suddenly realized just how human they were. I could actually see their insecurities and real personalities. I realized at that moment they were no more or less than me. I started seeing myself as “someone”. As small as that statement seems, actually acknowledging myself as “somebody” was one of the biggest moments in my life. I also realized that behind every person are others who help with the making of that someone. Like writers and producers made me love my favorite characters, they were the people behind the curtain like the wizard, not always seen but very important.

All these things and more have brought me to where I am today, and who knows what other things I may discover as time moves forward. I can’t help but think I am so grateful for all that has happened so far. Even the bad.

Every day I find new ways to express my thoughts and share of myself instead of hiding inside a room or in my mind as I used to for so long.

I am grateful for the wonderful boys I have in my life. Both my sons and my lovable and annoying husband.

I regret none of my experiences because they have brought me here. And here and today is pretty good so far.

Have you had some life changing experiences? Moments that changed everything? Please share them if you like. I’d love to hear from you.

And here is my latest production from our Channel. The one I talked about yesterday!

How to save on your Electric Bill! Free advice right here!! What’s not to like about that!! Support our channel by viewing the Vid!

 

 

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