I’ve been in real pain. The stuff that takes your breath away quite literally.
Chronic pain is something that can cripple the best of people with the sunniest of dispositions.
Having Endometriosis, the best way I can describe it is at a certain time of the month (not necessarily the time you think), I have fibroids that act like elastic bands attached to my internal organs pulling them together causing a myriad of pain that can make you feel like you are dying.
Add to that the possibility of having fibromyalgia or even IBS to this (since it’s common for the Endo to be accompanied by these things), when real pain comes in, I go down for the count.
Keeping my wits about me is my strongest suit. One to be quiet and fall asleep is usually what I try to do, and most months the pain is manageable. But there are those months when the pain goes extra strong and knocks me out for the count.
This month decided to be such a month, from symptoms ranging from a painful stitch on my side that went up all the way to my shoulder blade. No matter how I place myself, I can’t seem to get any relief. The worst part is that since it can hit different spots at different times, this nasty little disease makes you think all kinds of things are wrong, playing with your mind. This is why people with this condition usually get clinically depressed or paranoid thinking they are dying. It’s hard to live happy for just a few days knowing the pain will return. It’s hard on your mental health to live this way.
And although there were many times I felt like I might be dying, I am still here waiting for brighter days.
I have been functioning just barely in the last 3 days, managing to work (lord knows how, but I do), and then I would have continued all week to try, but today I decided to do a half day.
Why? Because at some point in this life you need to take care of yourself. You need to say, I need to take some time off and just lie down and let myself be human.
I usually am very grateful for the distraction of work when I don’t feel a hundred percent (since it takes my mind off things I can’t do much about). A month like this one requires more than just ignoring it, it requires me to take care of myself by giving myself a bed to lie in and some time to recuperate.
Someone suggested an alternate medicine that I am very excited to try out ( I still hope that one day something will help ). I will let everyone know how that turns out if it works. Please keep your fingers crossed for me.
I am always up for the most natural least dangerous ways of helping our bodies. I find that many people are in my boat these days. This society seems to be suffering from chronic pain in one form or another which only proves that there is something really wrong with the environment we live in and most likely the food and products we live with. If it wasn’t, we would not be suffering half as much as we all do from varied types of incurable pain crippling afflictions such as we do.
This whole post is to simply put, if you need help, ask. If you need a break, take it. It’s alright to not always be the strong one sometimes. If you need for tears to fall, it’s human. And if a nap is needed to help reset the mind to a better place. Do that too.
If you need a day or half day to rest as I am going to do. Do it.
I know this post may not sound very uplifting, but it is to tell anyone out there that they are not alone. To anyone going through hell, I understand. That’s it’s not your fault if you need to rest, that you don’t need to beat yourself up if you just can’t do it today anymore. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and let yourself take the moment guilt free to rest.
I still have hope that someday I will feel better for longer. I still believe that I will be able to go six months without debilitating pain.
I may have given up for today, but it’s just for a moment. But I’m pretty sure I’ll be back tomorrow!
Sending hope and hugs to anyone suffering today!