Finding Happy · Uncategorized

Insanity…Going Around in Circles…

I was on my way home last night. And again I was over-taken by people in their cars going so much faster than the speed limit.

As I looked at them in a row in front of me, it struck me as I stared at their faces in my mirrors when they were behind me or passing me just how miserable they looked.

I could not feel any annoyance at them, but instead some deep sadness at the state of affairs.

I looked at the vehicles passing me. Some were very expensive SUV’s and wondered how much they owed on that and where they lived and how much they owed on that too. If the vehicles were any indication, it could be a lot since they seemed to have expensive tastes.

And again, I wondered just how much the payments were to live the way they did. I realized just how much I wanted out of that line of cars. I didn’t want to be hurrying to work and home every day to pay for things. How important is it really to own so much stuff?

I didn’t want to be a person to rush anywhere anymore with a morose face, desperately running around chasing my tail to buy and pay for things I hardly enjoyed or even used because I’m was too busy working.

I don’t want the expensive things that offer me a moment of awe and years of bills. I want to be free of these rides of hurry and no joy back and forth to the prison of work back to my home where I spend less time than I thought when I bought it.  The price is too high!

Then at work to watch co-workers trying their best and getting nowhere like so many companies out there who just count you as a number that they have to pay and you who should be grateful to serve.

I see their faces when more is asked of them with little to nothing in return. Do what I say and I will keep paying you is the motto I secretly hear every time things are changed without being human enough to ask.

As I parked my car and looked at my modest home, I wonder how much longer I can live in that world, especially when aches and pains have been tearing me apart daily all month long. I drag my body inside to schlump on a couch for another 4 hours hoping that I can be well enough to have a full nights rest, thinking of the millions of things I want to do in my home as I walk up the stairs to go to sleep.

Dreaming of a day when even washing the floor in my home will be a joy in my unhurried day instead of another chore that takes up my precious free time.

You give the very best of yourself to pay for the things you have no energy to enjoy. It’s a really sad thing. I hope as humans we can get ourselves out of that vicious circle someday. And regain the life we were meant to live. One of joy and creative production. To be able to rest and rush as we see fit.

All I know is that I get it now and I don’t want to stay in that line of cars for the rest of my life. It’s hard to get out of that trap, but it’s insanity to me to do anything else but try to make things right at this point in my life.

I hope your days are unhurried and you can spend them as you wish with whom you wish.

As for me, I’m working on it! And I believe that one day, I will be able to enjoy my home with minimal payments that allows me to get out of the line.

I am really looking forward to that day!

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