I received a wooden mannequin this year as a gift for Christmas. Fancying myself an artist, a blank wooden mannequin seemed like a wonderful idea.
Later that night after the family had gone to bed, I found myself looking at this mannequin and had to question why all of a sudden it brought so many feelings up to the surface. So much so that I felt myself getting all emotional over it.
I tried to figure out if it was because I loved the gift so much that I was just so grateful. And although it was pretty nifty I knew that it wasn’t it. No, it was something that happened when I looked at this bare figure, standing there waiting for me to give it direction.
And that is when it occurred to me.
It was the fact that this mannequin was without anything. No face, no clothes, no thoughts, no identity. No preconceptions of what it had to be. No preconceived notions of life. It stood there without any tags attached to it. It was a blank slate. Waiting.
I suddenly was very envious of this mannequin. How it would be nice to be this being with nothing being expected of it. In the end, it would either become something more or would just remain the same. And the possibilities. The endless possibilities!
I decided at that moment that I would let this mannequin be what it is. Always a blank slate ready to be anything at any moment and then nothing again but a mannequin. Ready to be everything and then nothing and able to re-invent itself.
I also realized that I wanted to mimic this as well in my life. I will even say for the record that this is not a New Years resolution but a choice at this time of my life that could have happened in July but just sort of happened now.
I will be the blank mannequin in my life, in that I will try to live each day without any expectation of myself. To re-invent myself when I want but to be nothing but a blank slate ready for the next adventure.
To let life guide me in the direction it wants without feeling the burden of trying to do everything I see surrounding me.
It means getting rid of some pretty intense teachings that was given along the way by others or just imposed on myself to be who I thought I should be. The stuff I saw on the media or with the people I knew and such. Things passed down from generation to generation because it’s always been this way.
But just saying it that night looking at my friend on the table, I realized that it gave me some intense feelings of freedom to compare myself to someone who is nothing but standing there without anything to prove.
Someone who is not expected to be anything but a simple figure, without sex, or shape or anything but a human look to it. Standing there not thinking anything is wrong with them. Not with hair (doesn’t have any). Not with shape (its a pretty standard shape), Not with face (it’s a blank one). Not with any predefined emotions or scars (it is free of such things). The closest you can come to the day you were born figuratively.
I realized that if I sat there long enough, I could actually believe that I was this figure. Standing there with no sins, no hurts, nothing but peace and quiet and stillness.
I could feel content in the fact that I didn’t know what was coming but that I could make of anything what I wanted it to be. I could be happy with anything at anytime if that is what I wanted. That everyday I could be brand new out of the box such as was this one.
That I didn’t need anything learned from the past to influence my life or what society dictated to feel what I wanted to feel. To no longer work at being peaceful and happy, because I didn’t need to. I just was.
I suddenly felt so much better. I suddenly felt new. Everything seemed different somehow. My goals are my passions and what I want right now, but if I want something else tomorrow, I don’t have to feel like I am cheating myself. Life is made of changes and those changes are supposed to bring you peace and joy. To get you back on track of what feels right.
2015 was pretty awesome because I found I could stand aside of my judgements lots of times and just observe without my identity or preconceived ideas to interrupt the fact that I was just looking.
I let myself be free to respond with laughter and freedom to what I saw and felt. I now know that in the year to come I want to become that person even more. To stand like that figure and let myself be new and free everyday.
I will be taking on the world one day at a time and when I need reminding, I can just look at “Woody” and remind myself that I am free to be empty, ready to be filled with my next adventure in life.
I’m so ready for this! Are you? What do you want to feel or be tomorrow? Are you going through the motions or have you started being who feels right to you!