Some days like today are trying on my nerves. I’ve just got some more work dumped on my desk because of someone else’s incompetence and to top it off, they did not even ask if I could do it, they just always assume that I can and dump it there.
Anyone who knows me, knows that dictating stuff to me is like the worst thing you could do. Ask me anything and I’ll more than gladly do it for you. Tell me without a choice and watch the horns grow out of my head.
Then I had to deal with another who was blaming me for a mix up but then got caught in a lie. For a while he really managed to really make me think I was the one in the wrong until someone else called him out.
Needless to say, I am capable of doing the work without much trouble and the liar is now responsible for his problems, however, all of this can really start working on your nerves. I came in at 8 and was completely aggravated by 9.
What to do? It’s easy to say that you have to go with the flow or handle the situation by not letting it affect you and say it’s their problem not yours. You know that saying “it’s the way you react to it that makes it good or bad”. But let’s face it, sometimes you react badly. Someone steps on your toes and your gut reaction is to tell them to get the hell off. And that’s normal.
But how to help yourself survive these episodes without too much damage is sometimes the key to feeling better.
Here is what I do:
– Breathe deeply. And slowly.
The kind of breathing that you feel all the way down your gut. Hold it for a second and then let it go and your frustration too.
– Get out.
Take your feet and move away from the frustrating situation. Outside is better but anywhere is good, as long as you get to move away from what is angering you and then breathe.
– Close your eyes for a moment and relax.
Think of your excellent cup of coffee, think of your breathing, think of your lover, think of anything that brings the light back in.
– Think before you confront.
Try to stop your instant reaction even for 5 minutes and think about it. Think about how you can get your point across. If dealing with someone in front of you and you can’t walk away. Review the facts with them. Repeat what you already know and then re affirm what needs to be done. If they give you a hard time about it, it’s their problem. You have been clear and concise and there is nothing left to do. You have done all you can. If they are caught at fault, you can matter- of- factually remind them that it is their responsibility and walk away. No need for a pissing contest or a screaming match or even an emotional reaction. They did it; they need to own up to it. That fact has been validated. Done.
– Detach as soon as you can.
Holding on to stuff does absolutely nothing for you that can be good. Once you have dealt with something and said your peace. LET IT GO. If your mind brings you back. Repeat it as soon as you catch yourself and say. “LET IT GO”. Keep doing it until your mind moves on. This is the one I still struggle with but it’s getting easier every day.
– Don’t believe that your day will just keep getting worse.
Remind yourself that it’s just a small part of your day. Believe instead that the next moment will be fine and the day will move on as it usually does. This will also stop you from projecting your anger to the next person who is with you.
– And just when you think you are done. Breathe again. Remember to release your tension as you breathe out. Breathe in the good, breathe out the bad. And do it all day long.
We don’t realize every day how much shallow breathing we do. We are stressed and anxious and busy and breathe small breaths to match our quick busy movements. Small and quick. We have tons of lung capacity, but sometimes breathe so shallowly that we end up starving our body of oxygen.
We need that oxygen for clear thinking, for energy. So it’s important to practice it whenever you catch yourself. A nice cleansing breath can sometimes be the best thing that makes you feel better instantly.
Just pay attention next time you are so concentrated on something and notice how you breathe. So when you do, I would suggest giving your body some much needed oxygen and feel the benefits of this free and wonderful exercise in meditation and self-health.