When Dealing with Situations You Can’t Change… Change your Feelings Towards Them!

I read up on changing your life by changing your situation.

Don’t like your life? Change it. Don’t like your job? Change it.

The only problem with all of that is that maybe you like your job, but you are dealing with one individual that just annoys you.

And you need your money to get to your eventual freedom level that you are working towards. But what to do? Do you change your job every 2 weeks until you retire? You may be causing yourself more pain than needed.

Maybe changing your attitude towards negative is a better alternative.

Here’s a common example of a workplace problem:

Let’s say you are dealing with someone who is generally an OK person when they are talking about something they like, but you are sure to see their eyes glaze over when you are speaking or they look away when you speak, they are not showing you the respect you deserve by giving you the attention you give them when they are speaking. A simple thing, but still dealing with this day in an day out can start to affect you.

You can either try to point out to them that they are no longer looking at you and inquire, however, some people are too much in their own character to ever change this and don’t even after you point it out to them.

Being a society with so many opinions, it’s sometimes hard to get perfect synchronicity between people. We are all our own ego’s and personalities.

Example: A colleague once said he knew women and the way they functioned emotionally because he’d been married twice (divorced twice too) and was now in another relationship, so he knew how to deal with a woman and her moods.

That comment in itself did not make sense to me since the relationships he had failed and that did not indicate that he had successfully dealt with women. Maybe he thought dealing with multiple women made him an expert. That was probably it, but you can see how this comment can be taken wrong on so many levels.

However, fair to say that I do not agree with this statement and find these type of conversations quite annoying. I find through the years as a woman because I have not been willing to put up with co-workers (usually men) trying to dump their workloads on my desk or put up with bad behavior I have been considered someone to deal with! Because I sometimes question things by remarking the lack of common sense in a statement or decision that I have made a name for myself when I just see this as someone who will not go blindly into anything. After all, being taken advantage of has never been high on my list or lifelong achievements.

I have made peace with the fact that I have not been accommodating to please just anyone to be liked. And since I have never been fired, I figured that this is just a personal thing they feel, that I don’t fit into the “sweet I’ll do anything for you” category for “less pay” than you and do it with a smile. I’ve always figured just because I work more efficiently and better than some, does not mean I should do their job too.

Having established all of that. Here is the best thing I know to do.

Don’t ignore them as they do you, just don’t engage with them. They will eventually realize that you are not interested and that is OK. Remain kind or at least the best form of civil that you know how, and DO NOT LASH OUT. This is so important because this will cause YOU more harm than anyone.

Most importantly, do not invest yourself in these people. You will immediately know if they are just interested in themselves, because it will be “all about them”. When they start to speak, keep it to the subject matter and don’t invest in their personal lives. Keep it to point and keep it short. Invest your energy and time in people that are worth your energy and time.

And by all means, do not…I repeat do not… look for validation or acceptance from these people. I see this and have been stuck in this kind of pattern at one time myself. If these people will not give you their undivided attention, don’t spend ONE SINGLE MOMENT of your life trying to get theirs. They have long ago decided you were not worthy of this and it’s a practice in futility.

They will always make you feel lesser than you are. This is not productive and you must change this IN YOURSELF. Not them. YOU. So that regardless of who is in the room, you will always feel like you matter.

You know what they say, if a situation does not feel right to walk away. Do that. They will either question you about it in which case you can tell them the truth without drama.

Something like, “respect is shared and not a one way street. If you would like my attention when you speak, then maybe you should give me yours when I am speaking.” They may say that they don’t do that. Please remember to not engage an argument. Just smile and walk away. Let them think about it. You have made your point.

The next time you are speaking and they ignore you, you can also walk away from this. If they question why you suddenly walked away, you can also be truthful and say, “It looked like you were busy and I did not want to have to repeat myself, we are all busy and have things to do, I figured when you were done, we could finish up.” Again they may say you are mistaken, just begin again and now that you have their attention, you will probably be able to finish up.

If you can possibly only communicate through email, (in this way you can avoid the negative way they make you feel even more) it is usually easier to do this because a request can usually not be ignored since it’s sure fire way of getting fired for not doing your job.

This can be done all without drama.

The most important in all of this is that you are giving YOURSELF THE RESPECT YOU DESERVE.

After you have practiced all of this, the next lesson you need to learn is to let go!

LET GO of the emotional roller coaster. Don’t harbor resentment. Just say what you need to say and LET IT GO.

This one is a big one. But if you can figure that one out, you will be doing your emotional and physical health a great deal of good. You will also appear more professional in your dealings by showing yourself to be honest and free of resentment.

What people think of you is none of your business and also unimportant especially if they are treating you badly because of the notions they may have about you. Whether they like you or not does not dictate how good of an existence you lead or how good a worker you actually are.

The only person’s thoughts about importance and validity that matter should be your own.

Free yourself from the toxic, and replace it with respect for yourself! Before you know it, you will walk a little straighter and feel a little lighter.

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