Finding Happy

How to let Go of Toxic Feelings!

I suffer from this. I have let myself feel like a second class citizen many times, and sometimes have even imposed expectations of others to validate my importance in this life. Not many of my expectations have been met and then I suffer from toxic feelings of being rejected and dejected.

I try to get away from this more and more as I grow older, knowing the importance of just letting people be who they need to be. I’m also seeing that it never leads to anything good when I don’t.

However, I am still working on this and have to say, some days I am not very successful. Some days, I still have to battle the feeling of being ignored, of being ugly and fat and unattractive.

A lot of these stem from ego, and some days I like to wallow in feeling second best. Wanting attention and not getting it feels bad. Especially when you see the pretty young girl cutting the line while the guys just let her and then turn around and cut you off like you don’t even share the space with them.

Then there are the day when you hurt and feel as unattractive as your pain.

When you get ignored by text or at work except when something is needed.

When being a strong woman is unattractive while being the damsel in distress is so much more sexy.

I have days where I am so aggravated that I feel like running away from the pain I cause myself by letting the ego take over and lash out.

But then I take a moment, write a blog to put my feelings down, try to give an inspirational saying or thought out there that will make someone feel good or better.

Then the next person that I talk to or meet, I will try extra hard to be attentive and kind to give them what I really need. To be nice because I want someone to be really nice to me.

Regardless of what that person looks like, I try to be actively listening and attentive to their needs. They usually respond very positively to the attention.

They feel better and I actually see some leave with a lighter step. I will smile at someone I cross whether or not they smile back. The most genuine smile I can. If they smile back. I get to feel better.

I keep doing this until I go home at night and rest. I usually feel somewhat better and know that maybe tomorrow I will feel better. But at least I know for today, I did not inflict the pain to anyone else as I have felt. That I have not let ego turn into something nasty and catchy.

Now don’t get me wrong,there are some days that no matter how hard I try, I still end up in tears, and that is OK, cause we all need to work out our pain somehow.And some days just need tears. They have their usefulness or we would not have them.

But if you can, I would suggest trying to turn your toxic feelings and give out warmth to the people around you instead. Watch them change and imagine the rest of their day. Did you actions change the course of their day for the better? If it did, you have transformed yourself from second class to first class citizen by being the reason of their better day. I don’t know about you, but that is the most attractive person in the world. The one who took a moment just for you.

If for every bad feeling, we could make one person feel better; Imagine what kind of world this could be. Instead of the domino effect of hurting the next person because you are hurt, you helped the other person feel special when you are hurt. It’s would be like breaking an evil curse.

So go out and break away. Improve the vibe of your immediate circle. You will see that one day, it may come back to you when you least expect it and when you need it most.

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