Do you remember the child within? I saw a post on Facebook that made me think of this? Do you remember your thoughts when you were so much younger? Before everyone put the fear and the rules into your everyday life?My childhood was a bit different than most and for the first 6 years or so was a very scary experience at times. I was very guarded and remember not trusting a lot of people when I first met them. I even remember thinking that people who smiled should not be trusted at all.
But I am not here to talk about that. We all have our scary stories or boogeyman stories.
I have one memory in particular, one that sticks out. We all have that one truly exceptional memory from when we are young. I think we all do. A special outing or a memory with family etc…
Mine that stays with me is of a large swaying and soft to the touch wheat field. This one was almost as high as I was.
I remember a kid I hung around with for a spell who lived in another apartment block a ways down from where we were.
I remember his parents where real free love and stuff. They believed that children should have their own wonderful experiences. And they weren’t too tough on the rules as far as I could tell.
I never wandered very far from home, scared that my biological alcoholic mother would not come back one day (she had a habit of abandoning children).
But this one day, I wandered with this boy in the field next door. One that had been untouched by human hands, at least for a while. The soft wheat that grew there was growing wild, forgotten by someone no doubt.
This kid who I was hanging with had built a series of paths etc… and we were playing hide and seek. That much I remember. At one point we pretended to be in a jungle and were hunting wild beast.
I was free. I felt free. I wasn’t thinking grown up thoughts or worrying about anyone or anything. And then the sun was going down and he had to go home to eat his dinner, so he made his way back. I pretended to do the same but there was no one home to make dinner, not unless I made it.
I would have made my way back, but instead decided to stay there in the long wheat and feel the wind swaying all the stocks in time as the sky turned yellowish orange as the day ended on yet another summer day.
I wish I could tell you exactly how that felt, but there are no words for the ultimate peace that I felt right at that moment. All I kept thinking was, I really wish I could live here. I stayed there beyond the sun setting. I got to hear the crickets grow louder and the frogs join in. Not once was I scared of getting lost in this huge field that stood higher than even me. I felt peaceful as I walked home; felt like one with whatever energy brings us here.
Every time I see the sun set on the trees where I live in the country, I find myself feeling the power of those yellow orange beams and repeat this always. “This is where I live”.
I didn’t realize until recently why felt like this, especially how the color yellow and the setting sun affects me in very personal way. Setting sun over yellow sand etc…
But I get that this moment was meant to get me back to the core of who I am, beyond everyday stuff. Beyond the getting up to work, beyond the constant chatter of opinions, events, people and things that seem to live to make you old and grumpy before your time. Beyond expectations.
That child had nothing. And yet with all the stuff going on, that child could still feel peace and find moments of complete bliss. That child had no notions or predetermined ways of being.
Remember running to feel your legs go fast. Remember laughing and yelling at the top of your lungs and the release of those wonderful energies. Remember waking up to no agenda, simply just letting your feet hit the floor and wandering to see what new experience you could find. I do.
Even if you can’t do it right now as you work or look at your long list of things to do. Take a moment to sit and remember. Remember how you felt then. Try to feel that way today. Let that energy take over. That kid who was experiencing life. Trust me it works, if you let it.